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Lead Through Listening
Dad was waiting in the parking lot at the usual time. As the basketball players left the gym, he noticed his 10-year-old's head hanging low. When his son jumped in the car, and slammed the door, the father asked, "How was practice?" The boy replied, "I hate my coach."
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THE PLATFORM GROUP GALLERY
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TOP SHELF TIP NO. 63
"Speech is a mirror of the soul: as a man speaks, so he is."
Publilius Syrus,a Latin writer of maxims who flourished in the first century BC | |
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This kind of response did not sit well with Dad. Three thoughts rushed to his head, all fighting to be delivered in a correcting tone. First, "I've taught you not to speak so disrespectfully about any coach or adult." Second, "Are you kidding? This guy is a great coach -- one of the best." Third, "Do you have any idea how hard I worked to make sure you were placed on this guy's team?"
For some reason, Dad chose not to speak any of those condemning thoughts, and instead three words came out of his mouth, perhaps three of the best words he'd ever accidentally said: "Tell me more."
His son went on to explain the events that took place during practice. Dad knew he wasn't getting the whole story yet, so he added, "What else happened?" Eventually -- and it took a little while -- the son admitted getting side-tracked during practice, and getting caught goofing off during one of the drills and was reprimanded for it.
In the final analysis, his young son was so embarrassed by the coach's reprimand in front of the other players that it led him to declare, "I hate my coach."
Missing The Mark
Dad's first, second and third thoughts -- if delivered immediately -- would have missed the mark by a mile. They were totally irrelevant in view of the facts, which would never have been revealed if he'd blurted out his all-knowing speech.
He had been guilty more than once of jumping the gun with a quick response, but he learned so much more on this occasion with just three little words: "Tell me more."
The complete story gave him much more insight into his son, how he thinks and how he reacts.
As a business leader, you have the same responsibility a dad has to his son -- listen, get the facts, determine the problem, and help resolve the situation.
Today and tomorrow Promotional Consultant Today will look at the art of listening. When it comes to sharing thoughts, feelings and advice about an event or business problem, there are two very different types of personalities. Today we'll explore how to deal with the Fast-Twitch Responder.
The Fast-Twitch Responder
Some people tend to think their thoughts out loud for everyone to hear -- often in a very blunt fashion -- then they do the editing in public, too. They may say, "Here's what I really mean", or, "Let me rephrase that." They might revise their initial version of the facts several times.
Typically, the fast-twitch responder quickly offers the information you're seeking so it may seem as though very little patience is required on your part.
They don't make you wait very long, yet if you immediately jump in with your assumptions drawn and conclusions blazing, you will be making a mistake. This conversation is a work-in-progress for this quick responder, and it's far more prudent for you to deliver a well-timed, "Tell me more" or "---and then what?"
The additional information you receive next will be worth the wait, as feelings and thoughts become clearer in the mind of this type of personality.
Tomorrow we'll look at the Slow-Twitch Responder.
Source: David Benzel is an author and speaker in leadership and creating peak performance. As the founder of Winning Ways, he has worked with organizations including Allstate Insurance, Sprint/Nextel and The Villages. He is the author of the upcoming, Chump to Champ: How Individuals Go From Good to Great.
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Copyright 2005-2007 Promotional Consultant Today. All Rights Reserved. |
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